Follow me with this one please.
So, I have been in a shitty mood, as anyone who reads will have seen.
But why am I here.
I have been slowly (travelling in a spiral I will admit) been exploring myself. Looking at the bits I can change, where I fit in in the grand scheme of things, all that kind of shit. I have begun to notice a kind of level of unreasonable zeal. Deep inside. I have a unquestionable desire to help people I care about. I have a excessive need to understand things and collect data.
I am a strange human being at times. But there is a reason for that, in part I am a detached, aloof, cold, envious dehumanised being. I am an argumentative, aggressive, destructive, unhinged creature. But if half of you knew a 1/5 of my past well you might understand.
Yeah I tend to get caught in my own problems, way too much. And they totally absorb me. I can't help that. I tend to try and solve problems. And normally not my own. I try my best to help people. Even if at times I can't emotionally relate to them. I have been told I have a heart of stone. Maybe this is true. But I am not going to stop trying to help, because at times it is all I can do.
Maybe this is all to do with gender and sexuality. Because, I have been reassessing who I am, and what my gender actually is. I know I am almost Genderless, with a more female personality. Maybe this is associated with being asexual? I am not sure. But they are both connected to being and feeling unhuman.
But I guess I will always feel strange. It is part of being different.
I am at heart some kind of fanatic. Be it over my interests or over the people I care about. I will always do what I can for them.
Always.
