So yeah I have been not blogging, at least no on here for a few days.
I have started to shrink away a bit. Just feeling mildly trangsty and a little frustrated with some issues at present. My life seems to go from moments of boredom to the other extreme. I guess I wish things could be changed but maybe I should just get used to the fact that people are going to be pretty horrid about me for a long time to come.
Maybe I am paying for the sins of a past life. Maybe if I believed that was true, I don't know any more. My mechanisms for coping with life have long since ceased to function. Maybe I do need a brand new start. Or to find an end. I am not talking suicide here, I am talking an end to my suffering and awkwardness. I wish I could blame myself for the things that have been going wrong but I find it hard to do so. Because it isn't just my fault.
There are many issues going on in my life. But somethings are beginning to get awkward. They are beginning to hit me again. Harder than they did when they first came about. I am steadily being consumed be an ungodly wrath. I am hating and being eaten by it entirely. I hate feeling this negative. This bitter.
Bollocks.
I know I shouldn't have to keep fighting every tiny little thing. I wish I didn't have to really. But it seems I am destined to have to. Fight to be who I am, fight to live in peace, fight to not have to feel paranoid by the mechanisms of others. Fight to have a sense of self worth. I fight for my very right to exist everyday. And while I haven't been defeated yet. There is time for everything. And Chance...
I don't know. I feel like part of me is falling apart. I feel dead if I am honest. Or I that I have nothing to really look forward to in life. Some may have known that I have been having issues with love/lust etc but there are even more complications...
But I am not getting into them.
My cries go unheard. My voice is silent. My emotions never make a sound. I can do great things to many people. But one has to learn how to get the best from me. I can be very old or brand new. But wisdom and knowledge I do contain. What am I?
