Love
Lust
In Love
Three things that should be the same, but are so completely different.
I am to put it simply emotionally challenged.
There are a few people that I am crippled with feelings over. I think they largely know who they are and stuff. And that is part of why the complex mixture of Love/Lust/In Love is starting to grind on me. Too much so!
Sigh
Why can it not be simple, A meets B, they go on a date, they have nice bond/good chemistry, they decided to see each other so more and eventually fall completely in love. And then the lust can happily blend in with it. You know the relationship they spew out in films. Why can I not have a low drama relationship where I can feel loved, be in love with and lust after the person I am with?
I know head fuck for an Asex person, but I never said sex with someone. I much prefer the foreplay, as that can go on for hours, and hours without any point of climax. And if it happens, heh who cares really. I mean sounds odd I know. Just like I know that other people need the sexual side of a relationship at times too. I just can live without it, but I am happy to please someone else. Just who I am.
A few people have asked me to write erotic/sex stories for them. the ones who have seen them have said that they are great or decent. I don't know why I have no idea about that side of a relationship, I tend to just do as I am told and asked and do it as well as I can. But then I have only had three semi sexual partners and one that I have gone all the way with. I guess I just write what seems to work and feels right.
But I do wonder. Maybe people are right about me. That I am incapable of truly loving someone else. Or that I am high to maintain, as I need so much pleasure in a relationship, and if it dips, I get frustrated and often self-aggressive. I guess that I actually have no idea of what I want or need. But this then increases my confusion and frustration.
I am the queer human being. And I am perhaps a frustrating human being too. I can only imagine how dealing with someone who is so variable and unpredictable in life can only be to deal with.
Such is the miracle of life. I get confused with the maze I walk in at times. And I am more often than not so very lost.
