I am the first to admit, that I am somewhat vulnerable, if mainly to my own mind and stuff. But as many will know, yesterday I had my long awaited psych appointment. He ran through a lot of things, Autism, Bi-polar disorder, Psychosis and paranoia. He ruled them out, all of them. Other than depression in his opinion I am mentally sound. In fact he pointed out that Transgenderism and Depression go hand in hand.
But last night, Mum had an argument with my stepdad, and took that out on me. Calling into question my transgenderism. And being unfair to me, for the fact I am not what I seem or should be, in her eyes. Anyway this made me trangst like mad, and I went from incredibly happy to well incredibly unhappy. Which meant I had to wrestle with a lot of anger and loads of other negative feelings all at once.
I didn't do anything, just cried and fell asleep.
Yet people seem to think that this means I am at risk, again. Not really. I am doing more than most people know to try and increase the quality of my life. And that includes looking at building a support structure for mum too. Even if she doesn't know it yet. But alas, I have gotten "Restricted" on QYN again. Yes I will admit I hit a low last night, but for the first time in almost an entire year I was actually on top of the world. And I was made to not be happy because mum had had an argument.
I didn't do anything, but I did feel so very low. I am not as at risk as people seem to think I am. In fact I am working hard to improve my life, and both to locate and access support for both me and my Mum. To me it seems counter-productive to restrict someone from accessing support they do need. Guess it means that for the next few weeks I will have to go to Janet and to locate other places for the support that I do need.
Every once in a while a person will stumble. This doesn't mean they have given up. Just that they need a little help.
