First I would like to start with a big thank you for all the guys who do bother to read this. And have been there along side me in the bad and good times. I think a bit of an Oscar Speech is in order.
Alex, One of lives truly amazing good guys.
Dean, I like the fact that you are supportive and always there.
Oliver, Your amazing dude!
Karl, I loved you as a lover, and I love you as a Brother.
Sakura, Thanks a lot for everything.
Carlisle, You never fail to make me smile.
Harper, Your a special little guy.
Kallum, Your incredible man, simply incredible.
Alex, We haven't talked since we parted, but thanks all the same.
Evan and Sam, You guys are both pretty awesome.
Sye, Thanks a lot, you introduced me to a whole new world.
Charlie, Always there for me, and I am always there for you.
Kara, Your a good mate.
Emmertt, You have helped me more than I should have asked for.
Janet, Alan, Cathy and Mikey, thanks for all the help and support.
There are most likely others that I can't remember right now, but thanks to you all.
I have and I know it, abused the friendships I have to some degree, I will not deny that fact. But until last year, I didn't have real friends.
I thought that it was best to say thank you, because you never know what might happen tomorrow.
I know when I first started this blog that I have gone from one place to the next. Good to bad and well all over the place. It has been about 45 days since I started it, the same time QYN went down. I have been thinking things through since then, and I will admit I have questioned myself and my identity a bit, and my value and other things for quite sometime. But I know, even know Mikey has asked me to return to QYN, that I don't feel like I can or will return to there. I feel so old (and I am not talking physically, as in age) I feel like I have matured beyond the majority of QYNs membership.
So the decision is not to return there. But I don't think I fitted in to begin with, and I don't feel I will in the future. Over the last year I have learnt so much from so many different places. It has been hard and fast, but I have grown to understand some things, that I had no idea of before I accidentally stumbled over QYN in a random google search. But most importantly I understood the dysphoria that has plagued me since I was a child. I am transgendered and proud to understand that fact. I always felt I was something different, but now at last I know, and I am doing what I can to become the person I truly am.
I am not sure what else there is to come in life, but I can say one thing. I know now that I am not alone. Not as I spent my life for the last 18 years. Never ever trusting people, not having friends to talk to, the closet thing I had to friends were my older Brother and Sister. But they have their own lives, I can't keep depending on them for the rest of my life. I guess my friends were authors and models and stuff. I have lived so solitary it is rather silly, but I can't live that way any more. I know I need social interaction.
I guess what I feel is that I have lived a slightly difficult life, but I can and will live a better life in the future. I will make it so that I can enjoy and live my life because I know that people will be there this time to turn to if things get difficult. I know what it means to have a family of friends.
I feel hopeful, 19 days after today, till I see the local Psychiatrist and hopefully will get referred to Nottingham Gender Identity Clinic. And Terran can then truly come out to play.
I am finally getting control of my life. I am happy, well not entirely but getting there at last.
