These next 6 weeks I plan to try and keep myself as busy and as close to a routine as I can. This will include the pride workshop sessions with B.yoU any Open Minds stuff and as soon as my benefit is reinstated, seeing friends.
I also have a personal goal, and something I am going to work into my schedule. This is to complete at least two of the many Games Workshop armies.
My fantasy Empire army, I want to have 2500 points fully painted and finished. I have about half of that done in various stages. It will get done soon. One block of infantry at a time. Then the knights and other cavalry. I will get it done. I am determined to get it finished as soon as possible.
Then there is the 40K army. Where to start with it?
There is the Space Marine army, I have less than a half of it done, still that is 1500 points worth of models done.
There is the Inquisitorial task force. I have over 1000 points done. With nearly another 800 points to do.
Then the Sisters and Grey Knights, well I don't know taking my time, not working on them at present. But that is nearly another 2500 points that I need to get fully finished. Some day.
Lastly the Imperial Guard... Like 2800 point army, I have 1100 pretty much finished... And so many more to do.
I plan to get some level of this army fully finished over the next 6 weeks lol.
Most of you will have no idea what so ever I have been blabbering about but hey, that is how things are :P
I am trying to organise myself this weekend, so that I can get some things in place, and keep myself busy. This last week has been difficult, I have had serious issues with both sleep deprivation and mood swings. Last Saturday I had largely had a wonderful time at Derby Pride, the beginning of the day started of difficult due to having to put up with someone who has caused me a fair few problems and a lot of grief.
I am somewhat fractured at present but I am doing everything I can do, to put myself back together. I am going to go back on to the valarium root, to try and help me sleep. And this is part of creating a structured routine. I need to plan my weeks in advance so that I can try and get to sleep at a decent time. Take medication etc and all the other rubbish that comes with it. And more importantly create some kind of small window where I actually leave home and socialise with similar people.
Way I see it, I will get that on Tuesdays and Thursdays. B.yoU and Games Workshop. Fingers crossed it can help with stabilising my moods and giving my time away from the internet and stuff. But I am also thinking, I need to stop allowing myself to be drawn into the drama in other peoples lives, I fear I am often the 3rd wheel at times. I know no one says it, but that is how I feel, I can't keep hanging out with couples and stuff. It isn't right, they need time to be couples etc.
And personally I don't think it helps with feeling constantly lonely, seeing people who are happy in sort of stable relationships. It does make me feel awkward and strange. So way I see it, I would be better with the support of friends but also with seeking some different social interaction.
I do know that most of those guys are there for me to talk to. But to be honest I am starting to feel uncomfortable, so maybe not relying on them is a good idea. I know that I do need some level of social input because I can't manage to survive long without it. So doing something constructive and social is for me a better option. At least till I can stabilise the moods.
As they say, "The Devil Makes work of ideal hands"....
