I got help from the one person who has continually been there for the last year. The Youth Worker from B.yoU.
But things are needed to be talked about.
So I am doing what I can and trying my best.
But I worry about a lot of stuff. To be honest I know that I am not in the right place for things.
I didn't sleep Sunday till Wednesday. And then I crashed and burnt out and passed out.
So I know the following things are issues that I need to figure out and work on.
Insomnia
Transgenderism
Depression
Anxiety
Lack of Stability
Low Self-Confidence
Loneliness
and a fair few other little problems.
The first one, is caused by many other things. But is possibly the most important issues are probably the Trans issues, Depression and Anxiety. I am trying my best to work through them. There is time. And I am determined to work through them. I will transition when I am able to, I can not afford to go private so I am waiting on the NHS. The depression and anxiety well I am going to take up Janet's offer. Do some one to one session. Get some stuff of my chest and things.
The lack of stability is something that I can't work through easy. I need to either 1) Get a temporary job and rent somewhere, till I can get on to a University course. Or 2) Go straight to Uni and do some half baked fucked course and live in the halls.
Self confidence. Never really had it, to begin with. But it hurts because I never seem to have the guts to do anything. It is true that there are some amazing guys that I wish I could ask out. But I never will. More so because I can't allow myself to become attached and dependant on others while I am not completely stable, in my mind at least. But of course that doesn't help me with my other problems. I don't like being alone, and when I am it makes me both more anxious and depressed. And in turn I become less confident in myself and my self value drops.
I think my tower of issues is starting to wobble. I need to figure out what I am doing. And what issues need to be worked on as priority. How I need to stabilise my tower. Which bits I need to focus on. Complicated.
