I don't really understand it to be honest.
Maybe as one friend has said it is because people are drawn to me because of my caring side.
Or because I am as another has said dangerous or well rather have a dangerous vibe.
Or maybe because I present as ambiguous or androgynous.
I am not sure, but I am not entirely comfortable with it. Why because it is attention from younger people. I have been accused of disgusting things before, but I can say it takes a lot to grab my attention, personally. And I haven't ever showed interest in people younger, not like that.
But this does lead me to another thing. I have constantly been told to make friends with people my own age. For years and by many different people. I will be honest I find it really difficult to get on with people my own age. I don't know why but I do. Mum always gets worried and starts saying that it is connected to being Autistic. I have been able to get on with people older than me so easy, and I mean 5, 10, 20 or more years older than me. But at the same time 5 years younger than me I seem able to get on with them socially.
And don't for one think I am talking about anything else because I am not. I am talking about friendships that is it.
Anything else from anyone else, I find very uncomfortable. Even when I am in a relationship with someone, I find getting that kind of personal compliments and attention highly difficult to deal with. I find positives aimed at myself frustratingly unnerving at times, in fact most of the time. I like to give but not receive in most ways of lives and I know it sounds weird, but I like to care but not be taken care of.
Complex.
When I receive attraction, no matter where from, I get paranoid about the intentions behind it. I drive away any chances of anything, through fear. I guess this is the damage that was done, by others at the start of the year. And the fallout of paranoia too. I can't trust anyone to get close, so I try my best to avoid people showing attraction in myself.
Sometimes I feel I am truly best alone.
