I am unsure why, and I am unsure what I am going to do, at present.
I spoke to someone last night, they said that I should go to A&E the next time I am feeling that low.
I was going to go, but something held me back. Not sure what.
I am withdrawing from almost everyone I know.
I don't like losing this fight, but I am losing it. I just don't have the fight or drive in me any more. I know I should get help, but from where? The same good mate I spoke to last night, was probably right. I should have gone and saw a doctor. But GP was fully booked. And I didn't have the strength to drag myself to A&E.
I have been here before, it nearly ended last time.
What do I do?
I am trusting less and less people. I am shutting myself out. I know where this heads. I know I need help. But I just can't do it. I can't go and find the help I need, because I am scared I will be rejected.
I hope Saturday can help me out. Maybe the atmosphere of at pride might help again. It delayed things last year. So maybe it will give my that little extra time I need to figure it out.
