Yet I wish I knew what was going on with it, I either sleep or I don't. And if I don't then I tend to crash and burn. I feel so weak and ruined because of it.
Anyway I spent most of the day painting and stuff. And was kind of productive. Got quite a bit done really. And had a lot of fun doing it.
It has made me think mind. I keep following solitary pursuits, I stand alone even with friends. Maybe that is what I am meant to be doing. Being alone and solitary.
I don't know. I get lonely and I crave attention some days. Yet the majority I like to hide, disappear and not get involved with anyone. I then get mildly paranoid that I will be ruining peoples lives, interfering with them and their lives. And I try not to get to involved with their lives. I don't want to even be involved with the breakdowns of stuff.
I don't know, I feel like I am withdrawing as much as I can. I am hiding inside myself again and again. Because it is the safest place I know.
Yeah I am finding trust hard again...
